The Breakdown

It happens when you least expect it. You can only feel like you have it together for so long and then, suddenly, you realize you're overwhelmed. You find yourself crying in bed in the middle of the night and, at first, you think it's because of something silly, like realizing you probably can't eat bananas. Bananas. One of the first foods we all turn to when our muscles ache!

That's when you understand the real reason you are crying: you've just accepted another perfectly normal thing your abnormal body can't do. Also, maybe part of it is because you are hungry. You've been drinking Ensure for two weeks on an elimination diet and the first food you reintroduced, that you thought would be a surefire win, was a failure and you just remembered you didn't eat rice today because you're afraid of reacting to another perfectly normal food.

You remember you're not normal and you're overwhelmed and disappointed. Disappointed because this disease you are trying so hard to control has bested you again and all you want is to wake up in the morning feeling well-rested and ready to take on the day. You want to snuggle with your child in the morning without feeling like crawling back into bed when he is wide awake. You want to survive your workday without squirming, doing everything possible to stay awake and focused on your tasks, without excruciating pain every time you rise from your ergonomic chair. When you pick your son up from daycare, it takes every bit of patience go allow him to explore the world around him on your walk home and every last bit of strength to lift him up when he wants to walk on the wall or carry him when the cold wind hurts his little face. All day long you've been thinking about tour grand evening plans: pulling together a practical dinner, doing a load of laundry, AND cleaning at least one thing (usually one of three gets accomplished) before bath time, story time, and bed time.

Thank goodness for weekends. They restore my sanity and priorities. After a lot of discussion with Ryan, I've decided to take a break from the elimination diet and try another, less severe method. For now, I will focus on eating whole foods and going back to eating old-fashioned, traditional foods, and will eventually get an ALCAT test (it's a test that measures how your blood reacts with 200 foods/ingredients and helps to determine sensitivities). Thank goodness for weekends, husbands who make you realize you're driving yourself crazy, and wonderful children who remind you why you need to be patient with yourself.