Well, my neck is feeling tons better but it's still sore. It's just like sore muscles after a hard workout now, which it a lot better. I wish it would just go away!
That won't happen for awhile though. Work is stressing me out beyond belief. I can handle busy stress, but this is a whole new thing. In this economy, job security is so valuable and I don't feel like I have that right now. When I was hired, I knew there would be a point when the interim position would end and I would hopefully become permanent, and in my former office, I felt really confident that the job would be mine. My boss was very honest about the process and she made it very clear that I was doing the job well and wouldn't really have to worry about keeping my job. Since my office transferred to another division, I have a new boss and the process that was explained to me is no longer being used. The job was only supposed to be posted for 5 days, the minimum length of time for a search, but it has been posted now for over 3 weeks! All my new boss has said to me is that they have received a lot of applications! A few days later, she asked when I was told my interim appointment was ending, and I told her originally April, but in April it was extended to June, so she is extending it to July. I hate this month to month baloney! I also have no idea when or whether I will actually be interviewed! I can't handle not having control over my own future.
I'm starting to apply to other jobs, one at AU (with the support of my former boss) and a few at other universities. I had to do something to regain some power. This is exactly what I was doing this time last year...
I have had a huge pain in the neck since Sunday! It was not a pleasant way to end a beautiful weekend! The Mouzakis wedding was gorgeous and so much fun and we had a good time catching up with old friends at the Davies wedding as well. Both weddings were in beautiful locations (Long Beach Harbor and Newport Harbor) and I should have been entirely relaxed. Sadly, I am ridiculously stressed out by my work situation! This is the cause of the pain in my neck! I love my job! I think it's perfect for me right now, but everything at work is upsidedown and in limbo and has been for the last few weeks and will continue to be. My office is physically and logistically moving from one department to another in a totally unorganized way. It's so crazy to try to figure out who now is in charge of what and who I need to report to at any given time for any reason. Some stuff is staying in the old office, some is going to the new, and some resposnibilities are staying with me, some are going to others, and some new things are going to be added to my plate. But nothing is changing all at once and I don't always know something has changed until I do it myself and it's not the new protocol! Grr! I feel like I look so out of it at work when up until April I was totally in control. So, of course, all of this is making me look and feel bad just when it is time for me to reapply. That's right, reapply! I am still "Interim" and have been since I began in October! I had to reapply and will have to reinterview on the phone and in person in competition with other candidates... that is, if I get a call! Applications were due a week ago and I have not received a call! Nothing is more stressful than fighting to keep a job you have done well all year just at the time when you feel you are doing it the worst!!!
All of this has finally built up to cause spasms in both of my trapezius muscles. Sunday, my neck was mysteriously sore when I went to bed and I awoke at 2:30am in a total panic... I couldn't move my head! The pain was so bad at the base of my skull I thought I was having an aneurysm like my mom! I made Ryan take me to the ER and they gave me an opiate for the pain and did a CAT scan to check for aneurysms since we have a family history and I have PCOS, which can lead to all kinds of things. Fortunately the CAT scan showed nothing was wring with my veins, but the opiate for the pain made me so sick! Not only was my neck still hurting but I was on the verge of blacking out for at least an hour and a half! Ryan was freaking out over my lips being so white! I didn't feel any relief until, for the first time, I peed in a bedpan (yuck!) and got some of the poison out! Shortly after that I was able to leave, but we missed our flight! I spent the rest of the day in bed at Ryan's parent's sleeping away the opiate and avoiding the pain. We were able to fly home Tuesday but my pain didn't subside all week and I continued to feel sick to my stomach and dizzy from the pressure of the muscles on my spine. I was able to check with my doctor today who confirmed I have torticollis in both muscles and prescribed muscle relaxers, Ibuprofen, no more vicodin (it's an opiate and probably what was making me nauseous!!), heat, massage, and relaxation. I will finally be able to return to work on Monday and hopefully this pain will subside soon despite knowing that the stress is here to stay for now!
Steve (aka "Honest Tea" because he is our Honest Tea vendor for NSO), my good friend Natalie (who Steve has a crush on), Kate, Malika, and me.
And, if you are Greek you will think this is hilarious: we had to get a picture of me (the Greek Advisor) with Kate (the Alcohol and Drug Counselor)!
